Embracing Surrender Honest Confessions

Journey Toward Surrender: Trusting God’s Mercy

Today concludes our Journey Toward Surrender Series. In my own journey toward surrender I have struggled with trusting God.

Trust is a Slippery Word

Trusting God has been a requiring theme throughout my life. It started with learning to trust God with my future. As early as fifth grade, when I decided to become a therapist, I had to learn to trust God would show me how to make the dream a reality. 

When my dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack, I had to learn how to trust God admits the heartache. I struggled with the knowledge that God wouldn’t protect me from all the woes of life. If God isn’t a magic genie that would erase the hardships of life, how could I depend on Him to care for me? He showed me that He could. 

At other points in my life I struggled to trust God with my messes. Instead of worrying about getting life wrong, I learned to depend on God’s mercy. He showed me that I didn’t have to live in fear of making mistakes or getting it wrong. 

Trusting God is a Lifelong Journey

No matter how many times God has proven Himself and built my trust in Him, I’m always surprised to discover that I could trust Him even more. I trust God to orchestrate my future for His good. I trust God to comfort and strengthen me during hardships. I trust Him with my eternal wellbeing, but I don’t trust Him enough [yet] to live a confidently joyous life. 

Trusting God

Even so I expect to face hardships and disappointments in life. I hesitate to make ALL my requests known to God. He doesn’t actually care if my laptop inconveniently dies or if my favorite dessert is out of stock. God doesn’t care if my life is less than perfect because He is focused on more important matters. 

Exposing the Lies

One of the goals of Cognitive Behavior Therapy is to identify and expose core beliefs. Some of the core beliefs I’ve had to challenge include that I’m unworthy of love, no one cares about me, that I’m insignificant. I know they are lies, but they still have a way of creeping up on me. These lies trick me. 

I get caught up in doing the “right things” in order to earn or keep the love of those around me. In my relationship with God I strive to be obedient or perfect in everything I do. My failure to do so could risk His rejection. I know it’s a lie, and yet I don’t trust God enough [yet] to live truly free. 

The Next Steps for Trusting God

While preparing this post, God reveled to me that there is more to surrender than obedience. I can do and say all the “right things,” but God wants more than good action. He wants me to trust Him with my heart, my very soul. He wants me to trust Him so much that surrendering to Him is easy. It’s easy to surrender to someone who has our best interests at heart. The resistance to surrender vanishes when we acknowledge that surrender to God means gaining instead of losing, but doing so requires for me to fully trust Him first. 

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